I decided it was about time to write something that I've really been thinking about rather than another silly story. I hope to look back on my blog in future and remember what I've learnt and see if it has made a difference in my life - God willing.
I had a good chat with my boyfriend the other day. I was talking about how I felt quite anxious in social situations sometimes - worrying what other people thought of me, wanting to act a certain way, he described a similar circumstance which he described as 'people pleasing'
People pleasing generally comes out in social situations where people try to act a certain way and say the right things to get a positive response. The motivation? To be liked, to be accepted, to belong.
It is natural to want to be liked. 'We like to be liked' was something I heard in one of my social pyschology lectures. The problem is, especially in the extreme case of 'people pleasing' it becomes a drive and can effect the way you see things. Trying to people please can even hold you back from just relaxing enough to be yourself. When I'm caught up on whether someone likes me or thinks I'm annoying I put my self worth in their hands - I look to them for my value. Am I enough for them to like me? Am I too much for them to like to hang out with me?
I want to be liked. I like to be liked.
I was wrestling with these thoughts earlier and realised I was making myself responsible for how other people view me. 'If they don't like me - it's my fault, I need to be better' 'If they like me, I've behaved in the right way'.
But thinking about scripture especially - I don't think it says anywhere that we are responsible for how other people think about us. We're told to look after our own hearts, and watch our thoughts and especially pay attention to how we treat people - to love them. What we are responsible for, is our own thoughts and how we treat other people. a.k.a - our own actions, making sure we're not judging other people - of course we can't do it on our own, or in our own strength but it's all enough to be chewing on, let alone trying to take responsibility for other's thoughts.
I'm thankful for not having to be more than myself and trying to be the person I'm supposed to be in God's strength. People pleasing is rather overwhelming. But relaxing and just trying our best brings a sense of release. Praise God.
Monday 17 January 2011
Monday 10 January 2011
Confessions of a murderer and a rescuer
Tonight, our family cat tigerlily brought in a mouse. I was standing in the kitchen drying dishes with my sister and I heard a meow. Looking back I think it was quite impressive of Tiger to meow quite so loudly with a mouse still in her mouth. When I saw the mouse I reacted the same way I always do, I ran away and shut the door behind me. My brave sister picked up the mouse and popped it outside while I ran to lock the catflap in order to stop both naughty cat and poor mouse coming back in.
After all the fuss was over I carried on with the dishes quite happy that everything was back to normal.
However, my mother came to the kitchen soon after to inform me the mouse's head was stuck in the cat-flap. Sure enough, there was the mouse's little delicate head... looking quite dead in the cat flap. I do quite like mice as creatures. They're rather sweet and harmless, they're just a little bit too riggly for me to want to be close to them. Nevertheless, I am responsible for one less mouse in the world.
So now I it seems, I am a murderer...
During this blog however, I had the opportunity to save a member of the animal kingdom. Out of the french glass doors I saw a big bushy tail as a fox ran round the corner to where Tiger was. I panicked but this time ran toward the danger. The doors were opened and a split second later in comes Tiger followed by the door being shut swiftlly behind her.
Although fox's aren't particularly dangerous I still feel I played a part in saving Tigerlily. However, one things for sure, next time a mouse comes in I'm not locking the cat flap....
After all the fuss was over I carried on with the dishes quite happy that everything was back to normal.
However, my mother came to the kitchen soon after to inform me the mouse's head was stuck in the cat-flap. Sure enough, there was the mouse's little delicate head... looking quite dead in the cat flap. I do quite like mice as creatures. They're rather sweet and harmless, they're just a little bit too riggly for me to want to be close to them. Nevertheless, I am responsible for one less mouse in the world.
So now I it seems, I am a murderer...
During this blog however, I had the opportunity to save a member of the animal kingdom. Out of the french glass doors I saw a big bushy tail as a fox ran round the corner to where Tiger was. I panicked but this time ran toward the danger. The doors were opened and a split second later in comes Tiger followed by the door being shut swiftlly behind her.
Although fox's aren't particularly dangerous I still feel I played a part in saving Tigerlily. However, one things for sure, next time a mouse comes in I'm not locking the cat flap....
Wednesday 22 December 2010
A Christmas story of Chillis and Chineese food
Once upon a time...
there was a girl, in a house, beside a christmas tree and a roaring fire. It was evening time and there was snow on the ground in the garden. Unfortunately, the girl was not feeling well that evening and so she had to miss the christmas staff meal at work.The girl was relaxing, feeling a little sorry for herself when suddenly, the phone rang. The girl picked up the phone to her sister who said 'we are going to bring you home some chineese food'. 'REALLY?' asked the girl, 'Oh thank you!'. This girl was particularly fond of chineese food and so was overjoyed to hear this good news.
A little later, when her family arrived home, her sister handed her over a plastic bag containing a little bag full of prawn crackers and a little take-away box full of some chinnese dish....'YUM!' the girl exclaimed. The girl proceeded to take the food to the kitchen to heat up and was soon settled down to eat it in front of the christmas tree and roaring fire, looking out onto the snowy garden.
The girl was sitting there, very happy and munching away on a prawncracker when SUDDENLY, she saw a few dark red things. The girl thought to herself 'they look like chillis' and what did she do? The girl popped one of the dark red chillis into her muncher.
Maybe it's one of those things like 'don't touch the wet paint' or 'don't think of pink elephants'. Well, whatever the reason, the girl had decided to eat the chilli and consequently spent a while after in pain, wondering why she had eaten the chilli trying to extinguish the invisible fire on her tongue.
The girl's family were rather sympathetic. One family member suggested, 'try some milk' another joined in 'try some yogurt'. The girl started with two glasses of water which didn't help in the slightest. Then three glasses of milk which also didn't help. Then she had some yogurt which didn't help either! Finally someone suggested 'Why don't you take an icecube out the freezer and put it on your tongue' So the girl picked an icecube out of the freezer frantically and popped it on her tongue. Soon the girl breathed a sigh of relief, the icecube saved the day!
The next day, despite this episode from the night before, the girl took the rest of the food, heated it up and picked out the chillis. She double checked they were all gone and then she tripple checked. Finally, the girl sat down to enjoy the chineese food once more. Reflecting on the valuable lesson she had learned. Abby Symes and chillis don't mix well....
The end.
there was a girl, in a house, beside a christmas tree and a roaring fire. It was evening time and there was snow on the ground in the garden. Unfortunately, the girl was not feeling well that evening and so she had to miss the christmas staff meal at work.The girl was relaxing, feeling a little sorry for herself when suddenly, the phone rang. The girl picked up the phone to her sister who said 'we are going to bring you home some chineese food'. 'REALLY?' asked the girl, 'Oh thank you!'. This girl was particularly fond of chineese food and so was overjoyed to hear this good news.
A little later, when her family arrived home, her sister handed her over a plastic bag containing a little bag full of prawn crackers and a little take-away box full of some chinnese dish....'YUM!' the girl exclaimed. The girl proceeded to take the food to the kitchen to heat up and was soon settled down to eat it in front of the christmas tree and roaring fire, looking out onto the snowy garden.
The girl was sitting there, very happy and munching away on a prawncracker when SUDDENLY, she saw a few dark red things. The girl thought to herself 'they look like chillis' and what did she do? The girl popped one of the dark red chillis into her muncher.
Maybe it's one of those things like 'don't touch the wet paint' or 'don't think of pink elephants'. Well, whatever the reason, the girl had decided to eat the chilli and consequently spent a while after in pain, wondering why she had eaten the chilli trying to extinguish the invisible fire on her tongue.
The girl's family were rather sympathetic. One family member suggested, 'try some milk' another joined in 'try some yogurt'. The girl started with two glasses of water which didn't help in the slightest. Then three glasses of milk which also didn't help. Then she had some yogurt which didn't help either! Finally someone suggested 'Why don't you take an icecube out the freezer and put it on your tongue' So the girl picked an icecube out of the freezer frantically and popped it on her tongue. Soon the girl breathed a sigh of relief, the icecube saved the day!
The next day, despite this episode from the night before, the girl took the rest of the food, heated it up and picked out the chillis. She double checked they were all gone and then she tripple checked. Finally, the girl sat down to enjoy the chineese food once more. Reflecting on the valuable lesson she had learned. Abby Symes and chillis don't mix well....
The end.
Wednesday 15 December 2010
I'll let my hair down....literally
Today has been a brain frazzling day. I put my hair up this morning as I didn't have time to do much with it and had an exam to revise/cram some more for. The exam was intense and well this evening it's time to relax...
So I thought to myself, 'I'll let my hair down.'
I don't know if you're ever experienced letting your hair down literally before but it is rather amazing. We girls have had the joy of taking our hair out of the hairbobble many many times. Of course guys who have long hair are also able to experience it too. To be honest, I would almost recommend growing hair long to experience this sense of relaxation.
I am talking about the literal sense and I realise there are other meanings behind letting your hair down. Either way, whether you're looking to relax or to party... Let your hair down :)
So I thought to myself, 'I'll let my hair down.'
I don't know if you're ever experienced letting your hair down literally before but it is rather amazing. We girls have had the joy of taking our hair out of the hairbobble many many times. Of course guys who have long hair are also able to experience it too. To be honest, I would almost recommend growing hair long to experience this sense of relaxation.
I am talking about the literal sense and I realise there are other meanings behind letting your hair down. Either way, whether you're looking to relax or to party... Let your hair down :)
Saturday 11 December 2010
Ahh....Kitchen floors
So I'm just sitting on my kitchen floor after another really lovely day. I was eating some hot buttered toast with a glass of water by my right hand side an I decided I feel very content. This led me to reflecting on things including how much I love sitting on kitchen floors. I always feel at home on a kitchen floor for some reason. They're not the typical relaxing- chilled out environment you get in say, a living room, an they're not the work environment of sitting up at a table. Kitchen floors are more like space to reflect. It might be a feeling noone else particularly shares, or maybe they do?
Either way, I'm quite happy sitting here, reflecting on my day, reflecting on what's in store tomorrow and being thankful for good times.I know I've shared good conversations with friends when sitting on a kitchen floor.
Bring on the kitchen floor sitting I say :)
Either way, I'm quite happy sitting here, reflecting on my day, reflecting on what's in store tomorrow and being thankful for good times.I know I've shared good conversations with friends when sitting on a kitchen floor.
Bring on the kitchen floor sitting I say :)
Thursday 9 December 2010
Conversations and connections.
Today I had one of those days that just breaks out of the ordinary. It was a day with really good conversation.
I love open, honest conversations that break out of the norm. They go deeper than the surface and leave you feeling like you've actually had a real conversation. Quite often those sorts of conversations break down barriers between people. People can be really honest, vulnerable even, and although it can be risky, quite often the result is a new level of understanding of friendship and you can learn a lot about the person you're speaking to or give them an insight to who you are.
Maybe these conversations are particularly good because we all want someone to understand us and to know us. Someone who won't want to run away when they find more and more about us.
They're risky conversations because letting someone in, gives them the opportunity to turn around and say no thanks...I don't fancy speaking to you/knowing you anymore.
But I guess my question is, is the fear of being ignored or disliked or even rejected bigger than the value of real good friendship and closeness with people?
Personally, I feel challenged to not let this fear hold me back, to try and take the risk more and form good, sound, real connections with people. If you're willing to be open with someone often they feel like they can be open with you.
At the end of the day... God's the only one who'll ever understand us fully and know us and never reject us : ) Praise God for that.
I love open, honest conversations that break out of the norm. They go deeper than the surface and leave you feeling like you've actually had a real conversation. Quite often those sorts of conversations break down barriers between people. People can be really honest, vulnerable even, and although it can be risky, quite often the result is a new level of understanding of friendship and you can learn a lot about the person you're speaking to or give them an insight to who you are.
Maybe these conversations are particularly good because we all want someone to understand us and to know us. Someone who won't want to run away when they find more and more about us.
They're risky conversations because letting someone in, gives them the opportunity to turn around and say no thanks...I don't fancy speaking to you/knowing you anymore.
But I guess my question is, is the fear of being ignored or disliked or even rejected bigger than the value of real good friendship and closeness with people?
Personally, I feel challenged to not let this fear hold me back, to try and take the risk more and form good, sound, real connections with people. If you're willing to be open with someone often they feel like they can be open with you.
At the end of the day... God's the only one who'll ever understand us fully and know us and never reject us : ) Praise God for that.
Monday 6 December 2010
Pa rum pum pum pum...Schmaltzy?!
So recently I've been listening to lots of lovely music including Beegie Adair - a jazz pianist originally from Kentucky (fried chicken)... Spotify has provided me with her endless covers of jazz classics along with some jazzed up christmas tunes.
So the story goes... once upon a time at the dinner table (this evening in fact), Adair's version of 'The little drummer boy' came on. I'm not a fan of this song at all, mainly because 'pa rum pum pum pum' in my opinion shouldn't be sung quite so seriously as it is on the original track. However, Beegie Adair takes the melody and transforms the whole idiotic song into something very listenable and even relaxing. And then.... a member of my family who is a musical person... says 'I don't know... I think it's a bit Schmaltzy'
Schmaltzy!? - I had a wee google of the meaning...
schmaltzy [ʃmæltsɪ ʃmɔːltsɪ]
So the story goes... once upon a time at the dinner table (this evening in fact), Adair's version of 'The little drummer boy' came on. I'm not a fan of this song at all, mainly because 'pa rum pum pum pum' in my opinion shouldn't be sung quite so seriously as it is on the original track. However, Beegie Adair takes the melody and transforms the whole idiotic song into something very listenable and even relaxing. And then.... a member of my family who is a musical person... says 'I don't know... I think it's a bit Schmaltzy'
Schmaltzy!? - I had a wee google of the meaning...
schmaltzy [ʃmæltsɪ ʃmɔːltsɪ]
adj -ier, -iest
excessively sentimental (cheers the free dictionary.com)
Well, I find the word schmaltzy almost as funny as 'pa rum pum pum pum' haha. And I don't agree at all, I think it's a beautiful version of the silly song. However, I'm very grateful to have learnt a new word and look forward to using it in the near future. (Though I do admit, I love and appreciate sentimentality and so I don't think I would describe anything as 'excessively sentimental' unless it really was over the top x1000)
It seems one of the most beautiful things about differences in opinion is learning new adjectives.
I would highly reccomend giving Adair's version of the song a listen sometime soon and making up your own mind about it and also...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzunrAlnOiI
have a wee click on, or copy an paste that beauty. If you have time, bend your lovely ears in to listen to the lyrics and enjoy the incredible crescendo in the instrumental. Now that's what I call snow music.
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