People pleasing...

I decided it was about time to write something that I've really been thinking about rather than another silly story. I hope to look back on my blog in future and remember what I've learnt and see if it has made a difference in my life - God willing. 

I had a good chat with my boyfriend the other day. I was talking about how I felt quite anxious in social situations sometimes - worrying what other people thought of me, wanting to act a certain way, he described a similar circumstance which he described as 'people pleasing'
People pleasing generally comes out in social situations where people try to act a certain way and say the right things to get a positive response. The motivation? To be liked, to be accepted, to belong. 

It is natural to want to be liked. 'We like to be liked' was something I heard in one of my social pyschology lectures. The problem is, especially in the extreme case of 'people pleasing' it becomes a drive and can effect the way you see things. Trying to people please can even hold you back from just relaxing enough to be yourself. When I'm caught up on whether someone likes me or thinks I'm annoying I put my self worth in their hands - I look to them for my value. Am I enough for them to like me? Am I too much for them to like to hang out with me? 


I want to be liked. I like to be liked.


I was wrestling with these thoughts earlier and realised I was making myself responsible for how other people view me. 'If they don't like me - it's my fault, I need to be better'  'If they like me, I've behaved in the right way'.  


But thinking about scripture especially - I don't think it says anywhere that we are responsible for how other people think about us. We're told to look after our own hearts, and watch our thoughts and especially pay attention to how we treat people - to love them. What we are responsible for, is our own thoughts and how we treat other people. a.k.a - our own actions, making sure we're not judging other people - of course we can't do it on our own, or in our own strength but it's all enough to be chewing on, let alone trying to take responsibility for other's thoughts. 


I'm thankful for not having to be more than myself and trying to be the person I'm supposed to be in God's strength. People pleasing is rather overwhelming. But relaxing and just trying our best brings a sense of release. Praise God.